Tiananmen Massacre

Here is one final image and some unfinished designs for a poster publicizing a forum put on by The Department of Political Science at the University of Oregon. They are organizing an academic panel to assess the Tienanmen Massacre of 1989. If you don't know what that is then PLEASE educate yourself.

Home from China

I had such an incredible time in China. I haven't been able to put my experience into words that I feel could accurately described what I went through. I felt bad about that for a while, but tonight I have come to the conclusion that that is okay.
I went to China to create something with someone I have never met, from an opposite background, opposite language and opposite side of the world,
to practice self-expression
with someone else
via the absence of words (or language barrier)

I feel more confident about expressing myself with images rather than words.
I've felt badly that I haven't written much to anyone about my travels
but I can't get my mind to organize my thoughts and feelings into a clear and precise story that I can sum up for those who ask.

Maybe I am complex or just confused

who knows, I'd just rather stick a few shapes and colors together to say something than I would letters. But I'll keep working on it. I do love it when words work out well.

Here's a smidgen-

A note to a friend:

i just got home from China today. My brain is upside down. I thought a lot about life, love, relationships, balance, opposites, awkwardness, ignorance, self confidence, the end of the world, soberness, sex, politics, ethnocentrism, art, youth, words, and nothing.
Somewhere in there, on the quiet 8 hour ride home from San Fransisco,
I thought of you and remembered several beautiful moments in my life where we learned a lot from each other.

I will always eventually
randomly envision you
in the same moment as me
and wonder what you are doing,
where you are,
who you are with,
who loves you,
and what you love,

and I will hope that you are on your way
to getting everything you want and need
while secretly knowing that
there is no way you couldn't be.


If that doesn't make any since I am sorry, it's 6:00 in the morning here, I've been up all night, I just got home from another one of the first days of the rest of my life.
love you

more photos

pictures

the past week...

Sept 9:
they've set up a computer lab next to our dorms, so here I am. We just ate dinner. I tried a locust, it was better than i expected so I had a couple more. The problem with meals here is that the host always wants to impress or treat their guests well. They order the most expensive dishes and usually anywhere from 10 to 20 different kinds. It is sad because we can never finish even half of the food so it all goes to waste. And each day we are bombarded by people who have nothing, trying to compete at selling souvenirs to tourists, only to make maybe $20 or so dollars a day. I wish we could invite them to dinner with us.
When Christian and I were eating dinner yesterday with our partners we started talking about relationships and how we viewed them or what we felt was expected of us. Our partners kept saying that we are a very free country in this way. They expressed that they feel there are strong expectations of others and of themselves to get married at a younger age and have a child and that they do not understand the idea of personal independance as we do. We got into a conversation about our governments. They were surprised to know that we can vote for our president. They do not understand why we would want to challenge our leaders. Sometimes I get the impression that in China it is very bad to question things, or to stand out in any way even. I'm sure there are some Chinese people who think and feel differently though. These students told us they don't want to be involved in politics at all. They have no interest, they just want to involve themselves in their direct environment and not have to worry about the country, it is customary to trust in the leader. This is how it has been done for at least 5000 years. It is hard for me to hear these things. And every day I feel like I hear views or see things that bother me a little and I have to force myself to realize that this is just because I was born and raised in the U.S. with my own set of beliefs and just because I don't understand something doesn't mean it is wrong. I never thought it would be this hard for me to be open minded.
China is the epitomy of Yin Yang, Opposites exist everywhere.
These students buy into our pop culture, their favorite hobbies include (and I quote) watching TV, shopping, playing video games and using the computer. My partner said that she thinks her art is more popular and cute than mine. She likes my idea of drawing on the human body, so i think we are going to borrow a manequin from the fasion department and draw on it but I don't think she wants me to draw in my style. She wants it to look pretty and I want it to say something important about Chinese and American culture. I am going to try to convince her to split it in half, She works on one half and I the other. She wants it to be a male manequin but I feel like a female manequin would better represent the way we view ourselves in our own culture. We'll see what happens...
I'm impressed with recycling here. Everybody is expected to recycle and most people do. There are recycling bins everywhere that there are trash cans. As I said before, people ride bikes everywhere. Of course if there wasn't an awareness of recycling and alternate transportation Chinas resources would probably be dissapearing much faster.
Ultimately being in China makes me realize how much I don't know about our world economically, socialy, politicaly. I can speculate all I want about what things seem or don't seem like in China but I'm realizing that that doesn't mean much when I haven't done my research and I've been feeling kind of dumb lately for that reason.

Sept 10: read previous blog

sept 11-12:
The kite and wood block printing studios were a very good experience today. It was refreshing to watch people using their hands and older, traditional technology, to make such elaborate things.
The woodprinting studio was really cool. I got to try it out and was very clumsy about it. All of these people that specialize in traditional Chinese crafts are so gracefull. They know exactly how much ink and pressure to apply. The same thing goes for the kite shop, very gracefully and beautifully made kites with amazing inrtricate designs. Americans wouldn't be able to imagine how these things weren't made without machines. But behind every 500 or so imaculate pieces is one Chinese man or woman, working steadily and flawlessly. Awe-inspiring.
My partner, Wong Zi (or Prince) and I are designing instruments instead of a manequin. It was her idea and I was very impressed. We have been able to communicate really well and I feel like we are learning a lor from this experience. She is always so accomodating and sweet. We were able to get pretty far on our project today. We covered a guitar in paper and we're going to paint on it.

Sept 14th:
Today we climbed a small mountain overlooking a giant golden statue of the Buddha. It was very beautiful. Afterward we went to a Chinese Karaoke bar which was unbelievable. Most of the Chinese students love to sing and they all have pretty good voices. It was so much fun. When we were done a couple students took a few of us into the center of the town and we went to a bar. But they don't seem to drink much so I try to be conservative about my own consumption. Those of us who were there did a drawing together in my sketch book.

Sept 15th:
Wong Ze and I have finished our guitar today. Maybe I didn't tell you but we designed and painted a guitar. Well, kind of, we covered it in paper first so eventually it will be taken off. Hopefully soon, maybe tonight, I will be able to upload some pictures. I couldn't find my camera to bring but I have been borrowing one from the school. I think out guitar turned out very nicely. Tomorrow morning we will put our show up in the gallery and i think the reception is tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to it, i think it will be a good reward for a lot of hard work.

This morning We visited a city where the silk and pottery trade originated in China. We sat in the sun and watched a very epic performance. By epic I mean it was the most elaborately staged show I've ever seen. All of the performers were lip sinking and in between each performance there was a loud sort of announcement song and very MTV-like hosts. Everyone was dressed in fancy costumes and the women expecially had on very fancy dresses. There was a three girl pop group that sang a sort of hip hop and traditional Chinese combination while doing provocative spicegirl-esque dances. There was a story told about the city with two little kids as the main characters who impressed me with their singing and dancing although I could have swarn their voices changed depending on the song they were singing. In the story, the children were bored with the old culture but their parents tryed to tell them stories of the beauty of what used to be. Each story was another performance. In one of those stories several little boys in blue and yellow silk costumes did flips and acrobatics around the stage while one stood in front swinging around numchucks that looked like they were the same size as his body. It all left an big impression.

Sept 16th:
The project went really well. Wong Zi and I were really satisfied with our guitar and one of the professors said he wished he knew what we'd been working on because he would have baught a guitar for us to design for him. He really liked it. Setting up the show was a little frustrating for everyone. There were some problems with printing and trying to get everyone organized in the space was dificult. We did it though and we all felt so good to be finished. All of the faculty invovled expressed extreem satisfaction with our work. The show was a success! After the reception we took what seemed like a thousand photos with our partners and new friends. Saying goodbye was hard. Wong Zi cryed causing my own heart to ache a little. I would like to send 3 of them Bad Mittens album considering I left all of the CDs I brought in Beijing.
We took a midnight train to Shanghai. The ride was full of good conversation and a little sleep.

Sept 17th:
Tough day today. This trip is throwing so many thoughts, questions, discomforts, misunderstandings, beautiful moments my way and I haven't been able to figure out what to do with them. For some reason I haven't felt like I can talk to anyone about the things I see or wonder It makes me feel completely crazy. I'm hoping my sensitivities today are just a product of P.M.S.
The good thing is that I have taken to writing things down which I have been scared to do for a long time and it definitely helps. China. China. It blows my mind. The politics, the poverty, the economics, the attitudes, the unsaid expectations, the extremely old, the shining and new.
Got a lot to think about.

Today was a wonderful day. We are all getting to know our Chinese partners better and better. They are so happy to spend time with us and it makes it impossible not to fall in love with them all. My partner, who's english name is Prince, is deffinetly special among the group. She is willing to try new things, she is more confident than most of the girls and less shy. She always starts the conversations and makes everyone feel at ease. Today we all played basketball and she even played a little but was wearing bad shoes. We all exchanged gifts and tryed to work on our projects but she is easily distracted. I don't think she realizes how much work it will be for me. All of these students are unbelievably gifted. A lot of them are better at drawing and sculpting life-like images than some of my professors. They are so modest about it and think that we are the best at everything. I think I will learn a lot in the next couple of days.

We visited the home, temple and burial ground of Confucious. It was evry beautiful but I lost interest on the tour and in learning about Confucious once the tour guide said that he believed that a womans greatest quality was her lack of education. Even if I had existed in his time I would not have been educated enough to understand his teachings. I don't feel like I need teachings that don't need me. Perhaps that is ignorant and it would be best for me to learn anyways because he was a large part of Chinese history. Like many people, I have a hard time looking past my own biases sometimes. I will try to work on that for the rest of the trip.
Afterward, we took a cable car to the top of Mount Tai. A beautiful mountain and a terrifying ride as we imagined the car plummeting to the rocks below. At the top there were many buildings, almost like a small town, in fact many people live up there. I can't imagine people bringing all of those building materials up the mountain at one point. What a treck! These are some strong people.

We had another good conversation at lunch today about relationships and sex. I don't think a lot of Chinese people our age have sex, it is rare because there are higher expectations from family to hold out and it seems like people in China have a much stronger loyalty to their family and country than we do. I asked them who they talked about sex with and they said with their friends. We told them we thought it may be more openly discussed in America. Prince thought that it was probably good to talk about things to learn and to be responsible. Apparently they use birth control in the same forms we do. I wouldn't have guessed.

We tried to learn Chinese caligraphy today and I failed miserably. It is hard already to try to write Chinese characters, let alone with a sumi brush on rice paper. I was able to take home a nice one with the help of one of the male students but I think he was pretty embarassed about it because Prince asked him to use his hand to guide mine and I wanted him to write "i love you."

Tomorrow we are going to the kite-making and paper cutting town. Both will be very interesting and hopefully will give me some more art project ideas.

I am glad I am only half way through the trip because there is so much to see and do here, and I am really enjoying my time with the Chinese students and the other studentsd in the program, but I will be relieved to finally be home.

The Great Wall

Today was worthy of infinite words.

We woke up at 6:30 and reached the Great Wall by 10:30. The plan was to walk from point A to point B in 3 to 5 hours. Even after being warned, the wall was so much steeper and torn apart in places than I had expected. I thought I would struggle to climb it but had a surprising amount of energy. 4 of us got so far ahead of the group that we had plenty of time to stop and take in our surroundings while we waited for them to catch up.

The landscape was right out of a dream. I imagined that from above it must look like a japanes rock garden, raked in various patterns that may seem random at times but that gracefully flow into each other, delving downward into the earth and high up into the sky at poetic intervals.

As we walked I truely considered the reality of what I was walking on. All of the consideration I had previously given this walls history in the past was blown away by the actual experience of being right there. This wall was created as a barrior, a severed connection, a slash through the earths flesh for at least a thousand miles, all because of one groups overwhelming hatred for another. Thousands of people woke, worked and slept and woke to work again, only to die painfully and tragically for somebody else's hate driven cause. There is actually nothing good about this walls past -and really, other than protection from the elements, what good are most walls anyways? People come here sometimes and never even think about this. In fact, the Great Wall is known as a wonder because it is so large you can see it from outerspace. Oh, good, if there is other life in the universe, at least they know what they are getting into if they fuck with us. Wonderful.

Once we reached the 16th tower, we decided to wait for the rest of the group. This tower was occupied by two women, maybe a mother and daughter, and a man asleep in the corner. The older woman was trying hard to sell us her wares. My companions were on the breaking point, complaining about how these people are con artists and nuisances. The more I encountered them along our way, the more I felt the exact opposite. These are people who hike this wall every day, a hike that most tourists wish they hadn't gotten themselves into, just to hope to make even only 10 yuen selling water, soda or a t-shirt. 10 yuen is equivalent to $1.50 US dollars. They will follow you for blocks, maybe even miles, trying to ask you about yourself or tell you their story in hopes that you might warm up to them and buy something. Though the friends I was with may have thought it stupid, i would have gladly given money for at least the photos that they allowed us to take. Once the family of that tower realized we weren't going to buy anything they relaxed into their routine. The younger woman wanted to watch me write and draw. She taught me some more chinese words and we agreed that we were friends even though we didn't speak the same language. As a few of us sat overlooking the landscape, the sleeping man woke and came to join us, smoking something that smelled like a mixture of dirt and pot. I painted him against the surreal background as people passing by stopped to watch. It was finally time to move on and while I packed he asked if he could have the painting. At first i didn't want to give it away but then i realized that giving it to him would actually be the best way for me to express my empathy and gratitude for their kindness... far more than money could do. When I handed it over he crossed his heart and then his fingers in an X shaped gesture i will never understand and as I walked away -though it may have only been because he was stoned- I could have swarn he looked like he was going to cry.

We had to make our way back on our own because one of our guids had taken Ryan to the hospital for a bad spider bite. The other was with a couple of students on a short cut. I have been worried about Ryan but other than some severe dissapointment I think he will be okay. I hope the rest of the trip proves itself to be worthwhile for him.

We finally reached the zip line...
not scary at all. I thought it would be faster, sketchier, more dangerous and to tell you the truth, I was a little dissapointed that I didn't have some sort of fear I needed to overcome. But the view was beautiful and the day was far more rewarding than I could have hoped for.

At dinner Christian read my fortune in my tea leaves, saying that I would own a sail boat, have many struggles but would rise out of the flames, muck and mire wheather or not I chose to do it gratefully. In the end, a game of MASHO predicted that I would marry David Copperfield who, once retired from his magical stardom (and percieved homosexuality) would become an artist and I would pursue my career as a comic illustrator. We would live in a shack in New Zealand together with our black baby and drive a razor scooter.

Temple of Heaven

No need to worry, after only one day taking the Chinese herbs I feel almost all better. I have 7 more days worth so I think I will be just fine when they are through. It is quite amazing actually. A woman that works at this hostel told me she didn't think they would work for me. She said that Chinese medicine is not as fast and effective any more, even for the Chinese, so they have started to turn to western medicine. I guess for me it is backward. I have been taking so many different kinds of antibiotics for so long my body has probably built up an imunity to them and the Chinese herbs were just what I needed. Also, I haven't smoke any cigarettes and won't for the whole 3 weeks so I hope to jump start the quitting process this way. And we've been getting a lot of exercise, we walk everywhere and my body is feeling it. The food here is really healthy, there are vegetebles in every dish and lots of protein. So all in all I think I will be healthier when I get back than when I started.


Today we visited the temple of heaven. I thought it even more beautiful than the forbidden city. Now we get to rest the rest of the day which everyone is really excited about because we have been non-stop since we got here. This morning we went to an area of town where they were selling pastries and bread-type foods. Two little boys were dodging in and out of our group and asking to have their pictures taken. I playfully patted one on the head with my empty water bottle and he tried to spit on my leg. Last night the tea house show was unbelievable. There were traditional tea ceremonies, guys who pour tea with these pots that have a 3 foot long spout, they spin and flip them around. A person dressed up as a samurai did a dance, a woman in a costume with many faces would dance and walk around and flip one mask over to the next so fast you couldn't tell how she did it. A couple of men did a standup comedy act which was all sound effects ( i like sound effects a lot), a woman sang a traditional song about a monk, an intellectual and a woman from the countryside who are hiding fropm the rain and must compete at a poetry contest. A man balanced a 50 pound ceramic vase on his head, bouced it up and down, and danced and turned around with it still balancing there. And the best of it all were these 5 young men who did this really sexy aggressive martial arts type dance. They did all these crazy flips and walked on top of eachother and one of them broke a metal rod over his head.

The Forbidden City

looks like I have more time than I thought today. I woke up at 4 in the morning with a yeast infection that has steadily worsened
through out the day. No problem though, I'm attempting to treat it with Chinese herbs which will renew my faith in medicine if they work.
I've also illustrated a fairly graphic comic about the experience that will challenge my confidence and get a reaction out of the rest of the
group come review time...
Today we visited the forbidden city. The forbidden city is imaculate and it is hard to imagine that people lived their
and wore those intircate silk robes and sat on the great throne and dined and slept in some of the most increddibly artistic and elaboratly
decorated rooms I have ever seen. These people lived like this because thousands maybe millions of others slaved away all their lives. We live in a time and a place where, though there is poverty and riches, the division is not so great that we would never be able to escape it.
In fact, I believe we are capable of doing anything if we work hard enough. That is one reason why we are lucky to live where we do.

Today I realized I know very little about the history of China, even chairman Mao, who's face is plastered all of the city. I hesitate to buy anything with him on it, or in support of him, because I know very many people died under his rule. But i guess he also helped reshape China in a way that many believe was much needed. The only time I ever studied the history of China was in high school. I failed because I was busy drawing on the wall in the back of the classroom. Not long after, I dropped out of the program. I want to learn more now though. It makes me happy to feel anxious to learn. I imagine that China is one of the most interesting places in the world. There are so many opposites living next door to each other here. A giant gap between the values of each generation, a giant gap between the old villages and the brand new architecture, a giant gap between the Chinese herbal medicines and super modern technologies. I wish I spoke the language better just to get a better feel for the people who live in the midst of what seems to me to be such a complicated culture.
Today we worked on our group project, just silly stuff with photos and a video of us walking in front of the big temple wtih Mao's head on it. at least a hundred people came to watch the silly Americans. They asked if they could take pictures with us. I couldn't believe how excited they were to see us. I felt like a monkey performing tricks or like when the band plays on the side of the road. You would think they would be used to tourists. Ity was really interesting and entertaining.
Now I have to get back to my art. Tonight we go to a tea house and watch traditional tea and dance performances.

Day 1

Day 1:
Incredible is an understatement. I guess that was expected. We are staying in a hostel in Beijing called the Temple side Hostel.
There are beautiful plants here with hanging squash and gourds -great for drawing- and a flock of birds that frequent the sky, sweeping
by at a rate that makes the air sound like it's breathing.
People ride bikes everywhere here. Peddle bikes, bikes piled with papers and fuel tanks, old school motor bikes, dodging in between busy traffic streets.
To the American eye it seems these bikers just barely avoid colliding with the fast and reckless cars and bus drivers. But in fact everyone on the streets seems
to be doing some sort of strange dance, accompanied by a melody made of of harmonizing horn honks. What I would normally see as some sort of clash of movement
or conflict between the personal agendas of each traveler, is actually a very cooperative practice in adaptation and effort to get each individual to where they need to go.
Each person we have met has been excited and eager to show us around, offer us gifts and have their picture taken with us. Tonight our dinner was paid for by a very famous
graphic designer and professor here in Beigjing, Xiaoyong.
Dinner is served at a large round table. Each dish is placed upon a spinning center piece which encourages everyone to share and interact. We all eat with chopsticks. We try
to practice our Chinese and laugh at ourselves and our ignorance in this new place. Everyone in this group is fantastic and I can tell we are all going to have a lot of fun together.
Tonight we were served somewhere around 20 different dishes. There were dumplings, all kinds
of mushrooms, lots of pork, beef and chicken, bok choy, and a fish, of which I ate the eyeball.

my latest project

I was thinking about using my body art in some sort of project in China

short animations

My first attempts at animation.  The first is an abstract representation of myself, the second is short animated film about my sister, based on the comic I illustrated, called Cerebral Palsy Girl.  Please check it out in the blog "Bizarre drawings and comic illustration"